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Posts Tagged ‘God’

The luck of a bird


I made the effort,
I made the walk,
I smiled through the days,
That were hard.

I held up my head,
I held up my arms,
In prayer to the God,
Who makes it alright.

The days passed,
The nights were dark,
With a speck of light,
From the divine hearth.

Alas, it all failed,
Nothing worked,
For some of us bring,
The luck of a bird.

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Place your hand over your chest- feel that? Many people say it’s purpose! You are alive because you are here to fulfill a purpose! Do you know what I would call it? A dying cause! It would give up anytime soon, now or later but it would go when you need it the most!

I tried placing my hand too, yes I did hear it but I saw no purpose towards it! I have opened my eyes wide to realize that my purpose has somewhat not being finalized by G.O.D.

I sat down with him yesterday and had a conversation with him. Since of late I figured he doesn’t talk much so assuming he was listening to what I was saying wholeheartedly – this is how it went…

Well do you remember that everywhere and everytime I spoke to someone, they would always say one thing – you exist. Since of late I’m doubting that or you certainly have resigned yourself from my case. Such a hopeless I’m. Maybe I don’t feel u anymore or maybe I can’t explain in your Godly terms about all the injustice that’s happening to me.. Ok, ok, I shall stop, don’t want to be a cry baby. Well coming back to the whole purpose of this conversation I’m trying to have with you is very much about my existence. I can tell you very much that I feel that there is no purpose that I have to fulfill here. Maybe you need some supporting facts for my theory. Here goes—

1. Ma & Pa are never happy with who I’m. I think the only thing I have made them do for a very long time is made them cry. Honestly, who on earth watches their parents cry. Psychotic as it sounds, it really is when it happens. Maybe I’m selfish or maybe I just can’t adjust to what they want but I sincerely don’t see any good out of the fact they still cry about me for all the right reasons in an unappropriate age of time!

2. A few very people I would call friends. I understood very much in life after a lot of damage to my back that everybody who smiles, laughs & shares their secrets with you are not your friends. To at least know I learned my lesson, I have a selected few who I really call friends. Well my problem now is not if they have been true to me or not. My only worry is I worry them too much. I think all of them have me in their mind as ‘The lost child’. As you already know about all the drama’s I have, I’m compelled to share it with them. I should say they have been very supportive but I honestly feel like burdening them with all my shit is not called friendship. I want them to remember me and smile, not just turn that beautiful curve in their mouth to a frown. I feel you need to be a blessing in people’s life which I certainly not. The case rested there.

3.Remember the times when love swells your heart with million of magical words that you can’t express so all you did was grin like people on dopamines. I was there too.. Now my heart would burst for all the wrong reasons. Maybe the word love just gets my B.P high and yes when I look at that smile. I had to be honest there since you already know everything. I tried really hard after all what has happened- the deception, the arguments, the ‘I don’t know what you are talking about’ period, and finally recovery mode. It just keeps getting difficult, either you sincerely don’t care about the fact of me being faithful & trustworthy or for some psychotic reason you think I deserve this- all of this unfaithfulness over & over again. I guess this is when I really started doubting you, because if u believed in justice, all of this wouldn’t have happened to me. Well anyways, everyone tells me you are trying to show something or make something better. I sincerely hope you come down to earth & have a coffee date with me or you are welcome in my dreams to say some sacred words because all what kills me right now is – what did I do to deserve this shit??? Coming to the point, I see no purpose here too because of my unanswered questions all I can ever give him is a lot of questions and arguments and pain.

4. Worked somewhere where you thought you are cursed for the rest of your life? I do! I’m only cursed because I’m stuck there & its also ironically funny that they have me too there.. Well the truth is I need to move, tried for the past 1.5 years.. Didn’t work.. Misery, yes I make my boss’s life a misery. Sometimes its unintentional but its true. My purpose again? I don’t see it! Do you G.O.D?

5. Health is wealth! I haven’t been going strong on that saying, as you are very much aware. I always get this vibe from you that something big is up & you are waiting for one of your happy, painful moments for it to reveal. Always think it will be the BIG C but you can be very surprising. Let’s leave that to you!

Anyways, 5 distinctive points that covered family, friends, love, career and health which our lives, in fact all of our lives revolve around. I have told you why none of them have me filling the purpose I was put in this earth for. So Dear G.O.D why make me exist? Honestly the most that I do in a day is sin and which I will be continuing for as long as I’m here.. Other than that about being the possible angel in other people’s lives- na, will not happen so basically there is no purpose in my existence here on earth. You are infact wasting your Godly resources on me, hence I sincerely advise you to take all my years of life that is still left in me and be the generous self you are. Give it away to people who need it the most- to someone who wants to hold their baby again, someone who doesn’t wanna say goodbye, someone who is longing for a mother’s love, someone who wants her man to support her.. Give it all away. This is the only way I can re-pay you for wasting the purpose I was supposed to fulfill! Maybe I’m dumb enough not to see it but someone needs these years more than I do. Take it all! I shall see you soon IF you have been listening to me 🙂 I love you too- can never hate the man who created you & gave you the heartbeat to fulfill the purpose- the purpose of life which I was not gifted with.

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Dear God,

Its been a while since you & I shared a proper conversation! Its not that I have been busy but I just gave you a chance to observe what was happening. Yeah right!!! Who am I kidding? Its not that you don’t know what the HELL is happening down here but maybe for some reason I wanted you to empathize with me. It didn’t happen or maybe in a way you made things a lot worse where I had to get on my knees to speak to you! Now that you know and we have spoken, I would like to tell you I meant every word of it. I ain’t threatening you here… But maybe just wanting to re-emphasize that every word spoken was true, unbiased and with a lot of desperation!! I know you might have that small smile but this ain’t laughing matter… Oki!!!

Right now, you got something to think about and I have decided that its all up to you.. If you think you can’t do what you are supposed to do, I guess I will have to take matters in my hands & pls for the love of yourself, do not, I repeat, do not tell me I was wrong or I could have waited. I have been waiting since I was 16 and I think its waaaaaaay too long… If anything has to happen it has to be now. True, everybody says you know the best & I don’t doubt it for a single second but I also need you to know that we do believe in a proverb that says “Make hay while sun shines” and even though you are the supreme power, you need to understand the plight of living in the mortal world… Its kinda flowery up there with all the angels moving and the demons locked away.. But here its kinda the opposite- we got to wait for ages for an angel to walk on earth.. So I hope u get what I’m saying 🙂

I would be honest about certain things that you had blessed me with- I couldn’t ask for something better or more.. You have given me people who I can trust & fall upon but I always keep in mind that they are not YOU!! Nobody can tolerate the way you do! Yes, thank you for tolerating me & my nonsense this long 🙂 like I always say this should be the time for the show to begin.. So yes, I’m praying to you & unto you for things to happen & I REALLY do hope you understand the urgency of it!!

I’m going to stop now because I do not want you to think I’m pushy or take more of your time – just make it happen after all you just have the power to say ‘to be’ & its done 🙂

waiting on your grace & power to transform my life to what I have been waiting for… more than anything would want your guidance in doing the right thing and please DO NOT GIVE UP ON ME & don’t make me do it either! I enjoy the bond we share.. Just want it to be stronger 🙂

Thank you 🙂

I do hope the breeze is cool up there because its damn HOT here 🙂 oops sorry, no damn 🙂

Love you loads and hope to see you in action!

From the little child who is waiting on your Grace!

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